SOP Declassified …

Of late, I have realized that I’ve written and edited more SOPs (Statement of Purpose. I am trying to figure out what its plural is – is it Statements of Purpose or Statement of Purposes or Statements of Purposes, assuming each statement has a different purpose) than I ever cared to do. Yet, I’m unable to find the logic behind any and every school asking you to prepare your statement of purpose. So with all my knowledge that I’ve gained over the past three odd years, I’m going to dissemble and analyse the myth called SOP and bring out the real world sense behind all those imaginative lines that make up an SOP.

An SOP is usually associated with students applying for their studies abroad. And mind you, if you are planning to do your MS and think that GRE is the toughest hurdle, think again. While it may take 2 months to prepare for your GRE, it will take an equal, if not more, amount of time to prepare your SOP which at the max. runs for about 2 pages. Most of them start with an “innocuous” little statement “Describe your career goals and research interests, as well as your publications, work experience, and academic honors and organizations. You may also include an optional statement of your achievements, talents, background, experiences, and traits that will contribute to the enrichment or diversity of the University or community, beyond your academic credentials “. Which in simple words means, “Describe your summer holidays in not more than 250 words”.

Around 75 percent of the SOPs begin with the aspirant laying down his plans to start his own company. Whichever field they might be in, their life’s purpose, according to their SOP, will be fulfilled only after they start their own company. And they use effusive opening lines to drive home the point. Just like this –

“From ailerons to avionics, an aircraft is an amalgamation of multiple components. ” – William Don’t- Put-Word-In-My-Mouthsu-Worth.

So cutting to the chase, let’s analyse a few prominent questions that are asked while writing SOPs.

1. What’s your aim/purpose in life?
   1. SOP Reason: To begin my own company in so-and-so field and do cutting edge research.
   2. Apparent Reason: To get myself a good job that pays well.
2. Why in this particular field?
   1. SR: It’s only in this field I realized my life’s calling. I want to work in so-and-so technology to bring about a radical reform in that technology and help serve humanity humbly.
   2. AR: I learnt that you get a good job if you are in this field.
3. Why in this particular university?
   1. SR: It’s only in this university that I find active research work undertaken in so-and-so field. I am interested in working in working In so-and-so project under so-and-so person.
   2. AR: a) I also learnt that you get “better job with a better pay” if you study in this university. And the project will look good on my resume, irrespective of whether I understood the title or not. Not to forget, the Professor’s corporate linkages.(Or)b) If I applied with this score to some other university, they will stop with nothing short of showing the finger.
4. What do you plan to do after graduating from this school?
   1. SR: I plan to continue researching in this field and after gaining a few years of experience, start my own venture.
   2. AR: Get a good job.

While a Statement of Purpose for MS makes some meaning, a statement of purpose for your MBA makes no sense whatsoever. Last week I wrote my second SOP for FMS and man, I was left flustered. Why would they want to ask the obvious?

Qn: What’s your career goal?

SR: Same as above

AR: To get a good job.

 

Qn: Why an MBA?

SR: An MBA degree will equip me with the necessary skills that are required to handle the operations efficiently and will empower me with the tools necessary to handle the fundamental management issues.

AR: To get a good job.

 

Qn: Why FMS?

SR: FMS, with its time perfected course, an excellent corporate interface, top of the class faculty, and an eclectic mixture of students, is the right choice to pursue my MBA,as this ensures that when I take the first step towards my dream , I put my best foot forward.

AR: To get a good job. If FMS had been a third rate B school, I wouldn’t be writing this SOP.

 

Qn: What do you plan to do after your MBA ?

SR: As the time has comes for me to enter the corporate world, I feel the need to equip myself with practical skills that will aid me in facing the complex business environment with confidence.

AR: Work in that good job that I get and keep shifting every three years till my resume runs to 5 pages, printed on both sides.

 

Qn: It means concurrent superior accomplishment in non-related areas such as education and sports, poetry, painting, dancing, social service etc. Accomplishment is different from mere interest. e.g. playing Ranji Trophy while being an engineering student can be termed as ‘Outstanding’ versatility.

SR: !@#$%^& *()_++_)(*& ^%$## $%^&*() !!!!!

AR:#!$%^!$#%$ %^&*U&%$##$% ^&UI)O*&^%$#$%^ &*(*%$#$%^&* (*)#@!@ #!$%^&!*( !!!!!

And if you are planning to do your MBA abroad, God save you. Questions range from “What was your recent success at work” to “How will your colleagues rate you”, you will have a gazillion essays to fill up before your realize your grandson is in college.

An SOP, contrary to its name, doesn’t define any purpose at all. In fact, many of them are a big fat bag of lies written with a few fancy words thrown into to try impressing the teacher with your creativity.

But otherwise, everyone has only one purpose in doing his higher studies.

To get a better job.

Adios…

 

 

One Question…

So here we are in this world, living out each day,working towards our purpose, our dream, our aim whatever that maybe. It is in the hope of achieving this aim that we move on to the next day. And the next.

Here is my question. For my convenience, I will take myself as an example.
I have this ambition to have my own company. So that will become the purpose of my life. Let us assume that all of us, on an average, will live for 65 years.And I am 22 now. Let us also hypothetically assume that I fulfil this aim in another 3 years. So that makes it 25. And I would have achieved my purpose. Does that mean I will have to spend the remaining 40 years of my life aimlessly, with no purpose whatsoever? Will life hold any meaning at all after that ?

Or does it mean life should have multiple purposes and/or purpose by itself is a meaningless entity ?

Or are we looking at life in a wrong way !!

Endoscopica Britannica…

I have been having this nagging pain in my stomach for sometime now. An ulcer was suspected and medicines were promptly given. But that period of medication didn’t help as much as it should have. So it was my doctor’s recommendation that I go in for an endoscopy. And there begins this blog.

I had fixed an appointment with the doc today for the procedure. The endoscopy should be done on an empty stomach and it was instructed that I should not have anything to eat after my dinner the night before the test. Hence by the time I reached the hospital at 9.00 AM, my stomach had already begun to growl and I just wished I can have a bite of something to eat so that I can atleast not feel hungry for the next one hour or so.

While a couple of my friends who had underwent this test before said that it was a little tough, I was unperturbed. After all, I thought, a harmless tube down the food pipe into your stomach will be a little uncomfortable but definitely not tough. Apparently I was wrong.

After about 10 minutes of waiting, while the surgery room was prepared, I signed a form which stated that I consented to this procedure after having consulted the doctor. That was a relatively easy task. I was taken to the room after this where the surgeon who was performing the procedure on me, asked me if I had an allergy to any specific medicine, to which I replied in the negative.

He then sprayed a local anesthetic into my mouth. He informed that the spray will be bitter and that I should swallow it. He also stated that I might feel that my throat was blocked and that it was perfectly normal. But blocked is a normal word. Your mouth will lose all sensation; you will feel that you cannot swallow your saliva and that you might even have lost your power of speech. A couple of times I was sure that I only moved my lips and no sound came from it. But it’s only a feeling that you get because if the numbness and it gets perfectly alright in 15 or 20 minutes.

Up to this point I was a little brave. I was then asked to lie down on my side on the bed, and the doctor and the attendants began to wear their gloves. All set. After this, a kidney bowl was placed below my mouth and then, this is what agitated me a bit, the attendant placed an endoscopic mouthpiece between my teeth. I remember seeing this only in movies where the place something similar to patients while they are given a shock treatment!

After this came one of the toughest things I have ever faced in my life so far – of taking the endoscope past my throat. The doc took the endoscope, and slowly pushed the tip of the scope through the mouthpiece into the throat. Mind you, its one heck of a thing to take something like that past your throat. The moment it edges beyond the tonsils, you will feel like pushing it out, merely out of reflex. The doc goaded me to enact swallowing so that I will take the endoscope along. The attendant kept a hand on my face to prevent my head from jerking up, again out of reflex.

Damn, it was so, so tough. My eyes began to water like crazy and I was salivating more than I ever cared to do. I kept pushing the scope out while the doc persisted in holding it in place. Finally with one hard swallow, I managed to take the endoscope in and the doc took over. He fed the scope into my mouth till it reached the lower parts of my intestine. And then he called my friend who had accompanied me, so that he can be informed about the possible infections I might have.

While I lay on my side, he slowly pulled the scope out while simultaneously examining the walls of the intestine. When a possible infection was spotted, he explained the impact of it to my friend and showed him the difference between a normal lining and an affected area. My friend learned a lot about internal organs today!

After spotting an infection, a biopsy was performed. This was done by inserting an even smaller tube through the endoscope into the stomach and a very small sample of the affected tissue was pinched and removed. This did not pain then, but 16 hours after the procedure, it hurts. Ouch.

Having completed the process, the doc slowly removed the scope. He also used this process of removing to educate my friend about all the parts from the throat to the stomach including the duodenum, the esophagus, the stomach itself. The icing on the cake was when he showed him my vocal chords and asked me to make a sound to show him how it worked. And I did, while simultaneously burping and retching. My poor friend was helpless seeing me helpless, while the doc continued his teaching.

After about ten minutes, the scope was finally pulled out. It was a huge relief, to say the least. The side of my face on which I was lying was coated with saliva. It took me a bunch of tissues to clean the entire thing. And the effect of the anesthetic wore of a few minutes after that.

The doc informed that, after the preliminary inspection, the damage was not to a high extent and it was very minimal. The biopsy will inform about the type of bacterial infection and remedial measures will be taken.

The doc also stated that high stress levels are one of the primary reasons for me getting that particular infection. While I don’t remember getting stressed out in the recent past, I believe that the pressure I had been putting on myself to do something worthwhile was taking a toll. Another reason that all the doctors attribute this is to the unhealthy food habits that many of us have. Eating a lot of junk food, eating a lot of junk and spicy food, eating a lot of junk and spicy food outside our homes, irregular meal times and sleeping patterns, not having the right amount of food – all of them play some role or the other in hurting the stomach.

So now I have been banned from eating my regular diet and advised to eat bland food atleast till this thing blows over. No more pizzas, no more chili chickens, no more bajjis , no more cola drinks, no more spicy chaat items…Every one of my favorite has been banished for now.

So there it is. I primarily wrote this article because when I searched online for endoscopy yesterday, none of the search results informed me about how tough that really is. I took it upon myself to write this article to educate someone like me, who might search for some information and end up without realizing what he is stepping into.

More than all this, be careful with what you eat. You might not realize this while you eat, but at the end of the day, you might have hurt your stomach inadvertently. Here are a few tips that I was given by the docs that I visited:

1. Always have a heavy breakfast. This is very important as the stomach goes without food for almost 10 hours after dinner the night before, and its imperative it gets fed properly. Most of us take a heavy lunch instead, which is not exactly the way it should be done. As they say, “Eat breakfast like a king”. Skipping breakfast is a strict no no.
2. Always sleep at the same time and for a proper amount of time everyday. Irregular sleep timings do cause some harm to the stomach.
3. Avoid taking spicy food on a regular basis. Also keep those trips you take to the fast food joint to a minimum. It helps.
4. Eat at the same time everyday. Stick to a routine.
5. Try to keep stress levels low. High stress levels increases the acidity in your stomach and can cause some damage.

I do hope this post has served some valuable educational purpose. Watch your stomach. Else you might end up on a hospital bed disgorging saliva like I did….

Adios.

Bite The Bullet moves on…

After a long hiatus, Bite The Bullet is back on track. I have added two new chapters, 2 and 3, to the story, and I hope to keep it moving at a brisk pace here on. Do provide your feedback.

Bite The Bullet

Adios…