Pizza anyone ?

After finishing my TOEFL at 1 PM  last saturday, I was left with a stomach that was as empty as an Indian Scoreboard . And having been a long time since I had some junk food for lunch, I decided to hit Pizza Corner that was at Adyar.  The place was revamped recently and the new layout is swell. They’ve also brought in a coffee shop and this, remind yourself, is in the ground floor - in case you guys barge into the coffee shop and and order an Ice Cold Frappe Pizza with an extra helping of chocalate sauce..

OK, so after settling down, this time in the 1st floor which was the actual Pizza Corner, I placed my order and waited expectantly for my pizza and for that ever refreshing glass of pesti…i mean , Coke. My food arrives and the bearer politely serves the pizza. It was only after he left that I noticed two instruments on the table which I never ever used before while eating the Italian invention .Two-ls if you will - the knife and the fork.

Except for the textbook rule that the knife should always be in your right hand and the fork should always be in your left, I never knew a thing about eating food with those tools. I mean, I’ve never used my left hand to hold a fork. Ever. But here I was, in a swanky place, having those accoutrements in front of me and no directions on how to use them.  What the heck.. I decided to give it a shot. At the worst, I will slice my tongue with that knife. (Bearer : What are you doing ! You don’t use the knife to eat, you moron !! Me: Oh…we are supposed to eat with the fork..He he..Sorry )

But after a couple of mouthfuls, I gave up. I didn’t know how on earth I can eat a pizza with four pins stuck at the end of a steel strip.  First , I was not able to get the fork past the topping into the crust of the base and second, there was no way one can hold a pizza down on that polished,slippery porcelain while slicing it with a knife. Half the time that bloody slice was on the table . Next time around they should give us all a hammer and a box of nails along with the fork.

I called it quits. Maybe a pizza wasn’t mean to be eaten with a knife and fork. . Hunting around the internet to find out how people eat their pizza gave this result..Ha Ha, I wasn’t the only one feeling miserable with the fork I guess..Anyways,so off went those stuff out of my plate and I used my good ol’ hand to thrust those pizzas down my throat..Ah, the satisfaction that gave me…Burp…

But think about it. Many of us are aping the western lifestyle so blindly these days. The other day I happened to see one of my good friends eating a dosai with two spoons ! Here, one of the spoons made good for a knife and another one substituted for the fork. Need I talk about the trouble he was having with them. Wonder what he would have done when he had to eat a paper roast !  Use a pair of forceps maybe…

So there. The pizza eating experience taught me a few good lessons.

1. Don’t order a Coke without asking for its price  They bloody charge you a cool 30 bucks for a 200 ml glass !! 

2. A fork and knife on a dinner table are strictly for ornamental purposes. They have nothing to do with your pizza.

3. Make sure you don’t sit in the coffee shop and ask the bearer what kind of topping Iced Choco Frappe Pizza has.

And speaking of pizzas, here is one very good question that I caught on Yahoo Answers..Serious humour this is…Take a look (do read all the answers)!

I still wonder how the Chinese manage to eat rice using chopsticks ! Any of you tried it yet ?

Global Warming…

One of the major challenges that is facing the governments of the various nations around the world today is the question of who should become the next coach of the Indian cricket team.  But after serious deliberations and discussions they’ve come to the conclusion that nobody can save Indian cricket.Nobody. Except Venkatesh Prasad.

So instead,they will now focus on smaller and much simpler problems that are plaguing today’s world. Like Global Warming. (Hell no, it is not caused by the guy sitting next to you and far*ing. If it had been, they would have thrashed him by now. I mean, hell, you just can’t fart,melt the polar ice caps, sink a couple of island nations and get away with that !!). So let me explain what global warming is and how it is affecting laymen like you and me and why we should thrash the guy sitting behind you,albeit for the right reasons.

Global Warming, on a more serious scale, is the rise in the average surface temperature of the earth due to the change in climatic patterns caused largely by green house gases. Like emissions from your car, the industries around, from your burps etc. Now these gases are effectively involved in trapping the sunlight reflected from the earth’s surface and thereby leading to an increase in the global temperature.

So what are the prime reasons for this phenomenon ? There are a few hundred thousand causes for the rise in global temperature. But there are a few primary ones. Like leaving the computer/laptop turned on when you are sleeping, the IM left running with a status message which reads something like  zzzzzzz…. , so that your friends will know you are sleeping at 3 o clock at night.This is one of the insane reasons attributed to Global Warming. (Trust me, all my friends there in the US do this). Turning off the laptop will help the United States save more than 50 percent of energy generated. And thereby prevent the Indian coastal line sinking. Energy efficiency is the key.

Another main source for global warming is fuel efficiency. The dependence on petrol and the ensuing carbon emissions are effective in contributing to increasingly uncomfortable summers. So instead of carbon based fuels, you can use biofuels, like ethanol blended gas which is currently being tested. If successful you will find cleaner, cheaper fuel for your carburettor clogged car, which contributes about 50 percent of the total global automobile emissions. Soon you will find cars running on gin, vodka, rum etc. Save petrol, Use Beer.

Nuclear fuel is also in the offing. By this, you’ll be carrying a centrifuge in your car, which generates nuclear power that runs your engine. If you get frustrated with a fellow driver on the road, just take a chunk of that nuclear material in your centrifuge and throw on his car. Boom… You have a mini nuclear arsenal in your car.

There are other reasons and other measures that are being taken to solve this long term problem. And how does this global warming thing affect you? Well the minor problems being a huge change in climatic pattern – like more hurricanes, severe droughts, flooding of the coastal shorelines, harsh weather etc. But the major problem is this -  everything that happens to you will be attributed to global warming.

“Hey, why is the hike in my salary so small ? “.  HR : ” Global Warming Ezhil. Company wants to prevent further damage by giving lower salaries so that you’ll stop using ur bike”.

“Boss, why does a cup of tea cost 25 bucks !!!”.  Waiter : “ Global warming saar ”

So this way in the future, anything and everything will be related to global warming. So this exactly is why you should thrash the guy sitting behind you. Why, you ask me ? Well, he just typed off a mail to my Team Lead suggesting I was not doing my assigned job and ‘wasting time disseminating information on global warming’ . This way he prevents you from knowing more about a disaster in the making and taking steps to prevent it, thereby standing in the way of justice !

And more than that, HE JUST FARTED !!!!!!

Random Trivia…

Here I am, again, after another boring week at office that is leaving my life with nothing worthwhile to write about. Heck, I don’t even have anything to complain against. What a boring life…

So with nothing to talk about in particular, I hit upon the one thing which I always do to keep me engaged and take me through the dull humdrum of office everyday. Trivia. Every famous name today has a weird story behind them. A beginning, which might have no connection to whatever the person or company in question is today. This is what makes them interesting and engaging.

So here is a list of some good stuff which I came across,thanks largely to my gang here in Cognizant. All the questions listed here will be a little too easy for pros. But for beginners , a little twisting of the brains will do the trick. I will try to up the ante as we move on.Hope this turns out interesting.

What you have to do here is, fill in the blanks that are present in the statements given. So here goes. (And please don’t google them. Robs all the fun out of these questions).

1.In 1885 ___X___ wrote that Edison offered him the then-staggering sum of $50,000 (almost $1 million today, adjusted for inflation) if he completed the motor and generator improvements. ___X___ said he worked nearly a year to redesign them and gave the Edison company several enormously profitable new patents in the process. When ___X___ inquired about the $50,000, Edison reportedly replied to him, “___X___, you don’t understand our American humor,” and reneged on his promise. ___X___ resigned when he was refused a raise to $25 per week. At ___X___’s salary of $18 per week, the bonus would have amounted to over 53 years pay, and the amount was equal to the initial capital of the company. ___X___ eventually found himself digging ditches for a short period of time – ironically for the Edison company. Edison had also never wanted to hear about ___X___’s AC polyphase designs, believing that DC electricity was the future. ___X___ focused intently on his AC polyphase system, even while digging ditches.

2. What is known today as ___X___ was established in 1865 as a pulp mill by Knut Fredrik Idestam on the banks of ___X___ rapids. Finnish Rubber Works established its factories in the beginning of 20th century nearby and began using ___X___ as its brand. Shortly after World War I Finnish Rubber Works acquired ___X___ wood mills as well as Finnish Cable Works, a producer of telephone and telegraph cables. All these three companies were merged into the ___X___ Corporation in 1967. he ___X___ Corporation that was created in the 1967 fusion was involved in many sectors, producing at one time or another paper products, bicycle and car tyres, footwear (including Wellington boots), personal computers, communications cables, televisions, electricity production, capacitors, aluminium, etc

3. Clemens used different pen names before deciding on __X__ ___Y___. He signed humorous and imaginative sketches “Josh” until 1863. Additionally, he used the pen name “Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass” for a series of humorous letters. He maintained that his primary pen name, “__X__ ___Y___”, came from his years working on Mississippi riverboats, where two fathoms (12 ft approximately 3.7 m) or “safe water” was measured on the sounding line. The riverboatman’s cry was “__X__ ___Y___” or, more fully, “by the __X__ ___Y___” (“___Y___” is an archaic term for two). “By the __X__ ___Y___” meant “according to the mark [on the line], [the depth is] two fathoms”.

4. The most common version of the origins of this supercar manufacturer, as told by Ferruccio ____X____’s son, is that Ferruccio ____X____ went to meet Enzo Ferrari at the Ferrari factory to complain about the quality of the clutch in the Ferrari 250 GT he owned. Enzo Ferrari sent him away telling him to go and drive tractors because he was not able to drive cars. ____X____ went back to his factory, had his Ferrari’s clutch dismantled and realized that the clutch manufacturer was the same who supplied the clutches for his tractors. In his warehouse he found a spare part which he thought suitable, and when it was installed the problem was solved. And a new brand was born.

5. ____X____ was founded in February 1982 by Rod Canion, Jim Harris and Bill Murto, three senior managers from semiconductor manufacturer Texas Instruments. Each invested $1,000 to form the company. Their first venture capital came from Ben Rosen and Sevin-Rosen partners. Like many small startups with unique beginnings, the original ____X____ product was first sketched out on a placemat by the founders while dining in a local Houston restaurant, House of Pies.

To know the answers, click here…

Till I meet you again with another interesting post…

Adios…

Tamil Tamil Everywhere, But not a person to speak…

Been a long time since I came up with a post on my blog. Just for the simple reason that I could not find a single idea to write one on. So i focussed my mind to write one on something that’s been bugging me (Well, I write only about things that bug me ). Lo behold, there has been one issue that has been nagging my mind for quite sometime now. No not the astronomical salary hike that my company has doled out(Company policy, it shouldn’t be revealed to outsiders. Like I care anyway). Its more about how people around me take no more pride talking in their mother tongue. Its the problem of Tamil being vetoed out of Tamilnadu.

I really can’t quite remember when my anguish at this started, but it has become more pronounced with the onslaught of all these multinational companies and chain stores setting up shop in the state. Quite obviously, being multinational, the language that they resort to communicate is English, as it is expected to be a common denominator for anyone working in these companies. Accepted.

But the real irritation starts when you go shopping. Last week,I happened to visit a leading clothes retailer to get myself a couple of trousers. And there came this shop assistant guy, all polite and stuff, asking “May I help you sir ?”. Now it was written on his face that he was a Tamilian. And so was it on my face too. So I reply “Casual trousers paakanum. Andha section enga irukku ?”. And to this I get a smart reply “Are you looking for jeans or for casual trousers alone ?”. Me(This time in English) ” Casual trousers will do. Thank you. Now where should I go?”.  Shop Asst “Casual trousers basement-la irukku sir. Jeans venumnaa first floor poganum” Me “Thank you”. And I move on. (This continued at the billing counter too.A sad story that was…)

Now this thing intrigues me. I ask him in my mother tongue (and his) what I want. And he could have replied in the same language. Why did he resort to English ? Is there any unwritten rule that a sales man should always talk in English inside a shop set up in Tamilnadu ? Even when the customer speaks in Tamil ?  What if the customer doesn’t know English ? Doesn’t it clearly mean the shopkeeper is mocking at the customer ? Why do they do this ?

 And it is not the shopkeepers alone who are doing this.There was this lady with a kid who was standing in another one of those chain stores. Now this lady is again a Tamilian, judging by the way she spoke to the person next to her. And then this kid comes up bringing a toy saying “Amma idhu enakku venum”. And to this the lady replies(in Egnlish, naturally)  ”Arvind how many toys have i bought for you this month ? Go keep it back ! “. I shrug and go away.

This ‘tradition’ continues everywhere. When you call to book tickets at a movie theatre, make a reservation for a Call Taxi, order a pizza. Worse, last week I happened to call the Airtel customer care. And I clearly chose Tamil as my language of preference. But what would have happened next is anybody’s guess. Damn them all.

But the worst thing that I cannot stand is when two Tamilians speak in English. “You came yesterday-va ? “.  “Shall we have coffee-aa ? “. Bending the rules of phoenitics to make a statement sound like a question is something only we can manage. God save them. Idhukku neenga theliva thamizhlaye paesalaame. Why are destroying both the languages ?

The purpose of any language,as I understand it to be, is not for flaunting, but for communicating. But why do all of us use English as a means to flaunt ourselves ? Why do we have this false notion that just because we can utter a couple of fancy words in English our social ranking goes a notch higher ? As the instance above, why do people use some other foreign language when all they want to convey is a simple message that can be done effectively using their mother tongue ? Why are they ashamed to speak a language,their language, which boasts of a rich culture and tradition, a language that has offered this world the Thirukkural and Thiruvasagam ?

The French, the Germans, the Russians are all proud of their language. It doesn’t mean that they do not speak English or use them, but they have passion for their language, which sadly we people lack. We think it is modish to speak in English, forgetting the very purpose of a language. I am not a language chauvnist or against the use of English. But please, please use a foreign language only when you have to.  Be proud of your mother tongue. Its your true identity.

This post is in English.Cruel irony, I know.

Adios.