Many a time, we have found ourselves in the middle of a personal, face-to-face conversation where we would really have nothing to say to the other person(s) involved. And that will invariably leave us all feeling awkward. But now , we find ourselves using the web to have true, meaningful, lively conversations, without ever being in person, what with the world being a global village and all that.  And what do you do when you find yourself at a loss of words during one such conversation ?  We type, “hmmm…”.

Hmmm… I have been seeing this monosyllable piece of language that supposedly mimics human thoughts, everywhere.  From gtalk chats to facebook album comments, “hmmm…” seems to be dominating all known webscape. More so in all those IMs that we use everyday, like this.

Me: Hey, I am graduatinHmmmg this semester !

They: hmmm…

..

Me : I think India will win today

They : hmmm…

..

Me : I love you

They : hmmm…

..

What am I supposed to imply from this ?  That you are deeply thinking about that inconsequential piece of information I just gave you ? That you acknowledge the statement that I made and wholly agree with it? You are so bored with the person, you just want to stop the bloody conversation and move on to more interesting people ? Or are you just exhaling deeply ? What, dear God, does “hmmm…” mean !!?

Take this comment that was made in a friend’s album, for instance:

X : Nice pictures..u guys sure had lots of fun…
Y (album owner) : hmmm…

A simple “yes”, “we sure did” or ” : ) ” would have sufficed.  I believe any language has enough words in its vocabulary to express all the above. But no, what do we choose?  The single most complicated thing in English literature that can lead to a gazillion interpretations about your intended intentions. And I quite honestly got a headache trying to figure out what exactly the purpose of that “hmmm…” there was.

A conversation should be like a game of ping pong, the ball going back and forth. Words like “hmmm…” are conversation killers. Inserting it is like inserting a cushion into that ping pong game. The ball just hits it and falls down. If you have nothing to say, just leave without a response. Don’t punctuate the silence with a “hmmm…” that makes the other person go crazy just thinking what exactly it is that you are trying to convey.  If you can’t think of something for a reply, change the topic. If not, lie and leave the conversation.

Or else, as one of my friends noted, ask how aunty is. That way, he always knew the conversation is over.

And we all can move on with our lives with one less complication to grapple with.

Regulars to my blog would have noticed my conspicuous absence for sometime now. This was primarily due to the complicated research I have been involved in over the past few months, that dealt with how to make the world a better place to live in. The change was mainly driven by globalization and increased competition that has placed increased pressure on an organization to deliver right products and services at the right time, where any activity provided is a service (Castro-leon, He, Chang, & Peiravi, 2008).

As you can see, this whole research business leaves a profound impact on all aspects of your life.

Research Synapsis

Fig. 1 - Research Synopsis

While all research aims at fostering creativity and applying the knowledge gained from the Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, at the end of reading a few 100 research articles, you will be left with nothing but, uhm, a folder containing a few 100 research articles and a scalp that is increasingly going gray and bald, while you still sit and ponder about the research problems that plague the world and framing appropriate research questions that will answer the research problems, all while playing poker on Facebook and chatting on GTalk.

The last paragraph was made up of one sentence. An unexpected outcome from a few months of mind numbing research.

While normally I would have continued rambling about my research, what I intend to present in this blog, the methodology along with case studies,  and a discussion of the results,  there was indeed one problem that became quite apparent once I finished with the above clipart.

The bald guy with a bad haircut.

Costanza was a wise man - until he ventured into the world of research that left him like this

Fig. 2 - Costanza was a wise man - until he ventured into the world of research and ended up like this. Note the bald head.

Now, while the male researchers are expected to have long hair with an unshaven face and dirty looks, most of the times we do not have that long hair, although we do have that unshaven face and dirty looks. But of late, our scalp is facing an imminent danger of appearing bald, thanks to hours of brain draining research, pollution and uninformed, technically challenging haircuts.

That leads to our research problem.

Research Problem : Getting a proper haircut with an ignorance of the American way of haircuts while wearing “power” glasses

That leads to only one pertinent research question

Research Question : When will I ever get the perfect haircut !!

Way back in India, haircut was a simple, straight-forward process that was also easy on your purse. All you had to do was hop into the cushioned saloon seat, remove your glasses and wait for the barber/hair-stylist to spray the pristine tap water on your head.

And while he was dousing your head, you would have made your decision about the kind of hairstyle you will want that day, based on your previous experiences at the same saloon or someplace else, and also on how to make your hairstyle look sophisticated – like those cool dudes with cooling glasses on those saloon posters, having cool styles like step cutting, funk, mushroom cutting, military cutting and so on. Mentally, you replace their cooling glasses with your power glass for more realistic visualizations.

Hair-Stylist (HS) : Epdi venum? Short’aa ? (How do you want it ? Short ?)

Me : Pinnadi mattum short’aa vettunga. Side’la medium’aa vettunga. Munnadi light’a trim mattum pannunga. (Shorten it at the back, make it medium on the sides, and just trim it in the front)

That was all there was to that. After that you sit and watch the movie being played on KTV while the barber does what he wishes with your head. For a price of INR 30/USD 0.70

But here in the US, its a totally different game altogether. Your style doesn’t end with a brief description. You will have to go further and explain the terms short, medium and trim with numbers and measurements. Else, your medium cut will not the medium cut you wanted. For example, you should say you want it cut by 1 inch at the back, half an inch on the sides and 5 mm at the front.  The stylist, armed with this new found knowledge, gets into the godha.

The stylist is done with the cut in 5 minutes. Surprised, you wear your glasses to check how your new hairstyle fits them. Sadly, you find no difference in the front part of your scalp. So now you are not sure of your measurements. With quick calculations involving geometry, algebra and other higher math,  you ask the stylist to take another 1 cm off. And sadly, its a bit too much and alas, in spite of all those surgical precision, your receding hairline now begins to show up.

And then you feel the back of your head (as I said, I wear glasses and half the time I have to “feel” the size of my hair rather than see, ‘cos you can’t keep putting on your glasses every time to check your measurements. Tough choice in a tough situation). And you are not sure about the length of that cut either. So you ask her take another half an inch off, and there you go again – the light from the ceiling bounces off your bald scalp for the world to see.

The stylist asks for your opinion. You are not sure what to do. Pressure from the intense gaze of the stylist,  and you silently accept yet another defeat. You thank your stylist politely and promptly pay them the $15 even while feeling guilty that you had more hair taken off from your head in India for a much lesser price. You vow to yourself that you will get your money’s worth of haircut the next time around, forgetting momentarily about that visible baldness on your scalp.

Kid must have tried using his own personal hair styling machine that he bought for $15.

Fig. 3 - Kid must have tried using his $15 hair styling machine with 14 different attachments, including one for nose hair

After such an unsatisfying experience, you go on to try other hairstyling methods like cutting on your own with your own hair styling kit. For the price of one haircut, you get a hair styling machine with different measurements, just the kind you need to try experimenting with your hair length and nail the perfect haircut – only to realize that having less hair cut by a hair stylist was better than having no hair, which is much much better than ending up like the kid on the left.  I am not exaggerating – one of my friends did end up with a haircut that was totally screwed up.

You sit and ponder. From India to the United States,  you have traveled half way around the globe. You have tried everything – mathematics, measurement abstractions, posters with dudes wearing cooling glasses. Yet there seems to be no light in sight.

And only then do you realize – an haircut is not a research problem.

Getting a haircut is like a spiritual journey. Mistakes are made and  lessons are learned. Each stop in your journey is a revelation. Only after we know ourselves completely can we get what we want. Until that point of time, we should, and we will, keep seeking.

In short, its pretty much like academic research.

Hence proved.

Sooner or later, we all realize the grass being green is just another illusion. Ethereal, but ephemeral.

Is it a virtue ?

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