A bad hair day

Regulars to my blog would have noticed my conspicuous absence for sometime now. This was primarily due to the complicated research I have been involved in over the past few months, that dealt with how to make the world a better place to live in. The change was mainly driven by globalization and increased competition that has placed increased pressure on an organization to deliver right products and services at the right time, where any activity provided is a service (Castro-leon, He, Chang, & Peiravi, 2008).

As you can see, this whole research business leaves a profound impact on all aspects of your life.

Fig. 1 - Research Synopsis

While all research aims at fostering creativity and applying the knowledge gained from the Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, at the end of reading a few 100 research articles, you will be left with nothing but, uhm, a folder containing a few 100 research articles and a scalp that is increasingly going gray and bald, while you still sit and ponder about the research problems that plague the world and framing appropriate research questions that will answer the research problems, all while playing poker on Facebook and chatting on GTalk.

The last paragraph was made up of one sentence. An unexpected outcome from a few months of mind numbing research.

While normally I would have continued rambling about my research, what I intend to present in this blog, the methodology along with case studies,  and a discussion of the results,  there was indeed one problem that became quite apparent once I finished with the above clipart.

The bald guy with a bad haircut.

Fig. 2 - Costanza was a wise man - until he ventured into the world of research and ended up like this. Note the bald head.

Now, while the male researchers are expected to have long hair with an unshaven face and dirty looks, most of the times we do not have that long hair, although we do have that unshaven face and dirty looks. But of late, our scalp is facing an imminent danger of appearing bald, thanks to hours of brain draining research, pollution and uninformed, technically challenging haircuts.

That leads to our research problem.

Research Problem : Getting a proper haircut with an ignorance of the American way of haircuts while wearing “power” glasses

That leads to only one pertinent research question

Research Question : When will I ever get the perfect haircut !!

Way back in India, haircut was a simple, straight-forward process that was also easy on your purse. All you had to do was hop into the cushioned saloon seat, remove your glasses and wait for the barber/hair-stylist to spray the pristine tap water on your head.

And while he was dousing your head, you would have made your decision about the kind of hairstyle you will want that day, based on your previous experiences at the same saloon or someplace else, and also on how to make your hairstyle look sophisticated – like those cool dudes with cooling glasses on those saloon posters, having cool styles like step cutting, funk, mushroom cutting, military cutting and so on. Mentally, you replace their cooling glasses with your power glass for more realistic visualizations.

Hair-Stylist (HS) : Epdi venum? Short’aa ? (How do you want it ? Short ?)

Me : Pinnadi mattum short’aa vettunga. Side’la medium’aa vettunga. Munnadi light’a trim mattum pannunga. (Shorten it at the back, make it medium on the sides, and just trim it in the front)

That was all there was to that. After that you sit and watch the movie being played on KTV while the barber does what he wishes with your head. For a price of INR 30/USD 0.70

But here in the US, its a totally different game altogether. Your style doesn’t end with a brief description. You will have to go further and explain the terms short, medium and trim with numbers and measurements. Else, your medium cut will not the medium cut you wanted. For example, you should say you want it cut by 1 inch at the back, half an inch on the sides and 5 mm at the front.  The stylist, armed with this new found knowledge, gets into the godha.

The stylist is done with the cut in 5 minutes. Surprised, you wear your glasses to check how your new hairstyle fits them. Sadly, you find no difference in the front part of your scalp. So now you are not sure of your measurements. With quick calculations involving geometry, algebra and other higher math,  you ask the stylist to take another 1 cm off. And sadly, its a bit too much and alas, in spite of all those surgical precision, your receding hairline now begins to show up.

And then you feel the back of your head (as I said, I wear glasses and half the time I have to “feel” the size of my hair rather than see, ‘cos you can’t keep putting on your glasses every time to check your measurements. Tough choice in a tough situation). And you are not sure about the length of that cut either. So you ask her take another half an inch off, and there you go again – the light from the ceiling bounces off your bald scalp for the world to see.

The stylist asks for your opinion. You are not sure what to do. Pressure from the intense gaze of the stylist,  and you silently accept yet another defeat. You thank your stylist politely and promptly pay them the $15 even while feeling guilty that you had more hair taken off from your head in India for a much lesser price. You vow to yourself that you will get your money’s worth of haircut the next time around, forgetting momentarily about that visible baldness on your scalp.

Fig. 3 - Kid must have tried using his $15 hair styling machine with 14 different attachments, including one for nose hair

After such an unsatisfying experience, you go on to try other hairstyling methods like cutting on your own with your own hair styling kit. For the price of one haircut, you get a hair styling machine with different measurements, just the kind you need to try experimenting with your hair length and nail the perfect haircut – only to realize that having less hair cut by a hair stylist was better than having no hair, which is much much better than ending up like the kid on the left.  I am not exaggerating – one of my friends did end up with a haircut that was totally screwed up.

You sit and ponder. From India to the United States,  you have traveled half way around the globe. You have tried everything – mathematics, measurement abstractions, posters with dudes wearing cooling glasses. Yet there seems to be no light in sight.

And only then do you realize – an haircut is not a research problem.

Getting a haircut is like a spiritual journey. Mistakes are made and  lessons are learned. Each stop in your journey is a revelation. Only after we know ourselves completely can we get what we want. Until that point of time, we should, and we will, keep seeking.

In short, its pretty much like academic research.

Hence proved.

On the other side…

Sooner or later, we all realize the grass being green is just another illusion. Ethereal, but ephemeral.

Self Denial

Is it a virtue ?

V-Day musings

Over the past few months here,  I have been racking my brains to come up with some purposeful topic that I can write on. But of late, everything seems to be fine – Manmohan Singh’s had a fine recovery, India is winning all its matches, the Super Kings have poached Freddie Flintoff, the temperature has been steadily climbing, my friends are getting calls from the IIMs, so much so that I was really unable to think about anything that can be possibly go wrong with this world – ofcourse, we are avoiding the credit crisis here as the Americans now have Obama leading them. Yes we can, you see.

Everything was nice and fine until we had the good samaritan Muthalik entering the arena. Just when you were expecting if life can get any interesting, he and his social outfit beat up a bunch of girls and teach them a moral lesson. While I am all for Catechism and Moral Science, that is not really my concern now. What really caught my attention was his plans for Valentine’s day. And suddenly, things look exciting on a different level.

Read Muthalik’s matter master plan here.

The implications. When I get to think about it, I am experiencing something on the scale of Mind-at-large.  Imagine.  When you kiss a girl, you either marry her or she becomes your sister.  This leaves a perfect setting for what the American’s and desis who think they are Americans call, a Fling.

These are the people you should keep an eye out for - for the better or worse (Image courtesy - http://www.tundlajunction.com/)

This is to say, if you are interested in a girl physically and just wish to have a “flingy” relationship, or if you are thinking for sometime now about breaking up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, you cannot get a better setting. All you have to do is to take the girl to the most happening place in the city on V-day – because that is most likely to be the place where will you find our saviours – and express your love (in a way you deem fit).  And make sure you do it in their line of sight. And our brethren will just jump into action and take care of the rest. As I mentioned earlier, you will be given the option of either marrying the girl or making her your sister. Ofcourse, we choose the second option after a lot of thought, and wish behenji a happy life and a successful career, while accepting  with overwhelming emotion the rakhi we will be getting in return. (People who haven’t seen a rakhi before can take a look here. You will get something like the fifth image on the grid and not anywhere remotely related to the first four. Just to make sure you are not misled when we mentioned you will get a rakhi).

I am planning to start a franchise of Sri Ram Sena here in the US just in time before V-Day. I bet the Americans will love this idea.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone !